It shocks me that I wrote that in my diary on 2nd September 2006. Shocks me even more that that sickness continued until late last year when I wanted to die so badly I tried to summon lightning to strike me dead. We all like to believe we grew out of that immature Lovehurtz phase - how painfully wrong we are. I don't think anyone actually "grows out of it" per se, maybe we end up "growing into it". Yah, and I am the Love Guru or something. It's the conviction, I swear. Being convicted that the boy/girl I'm looking at now, is the one I am in love with, the one who is far from perfection, whose flaws I have to constantly put up with, the one whom I want to spend the rest of myself on. Takes a while I suppose. Sigh, I speak with such ignorance. Who am I to dictate what Love is or is not. Damn it.

It starts to rain.

Then you feel a drop of rain on the back of your hand.

Then you realise you've felt that drop of rain on the back of your hand.

Hence, Conviction.

---

"I'll walk you to Tampines then."

"You sure? You're only going to slow me down leh."

"Shut up lah. I can walk as fast as you can k."

Then she tried to prove herself right by walking clumsily quicker than usual, earning her a few metres of headstart. But he caught up anyway.

"Eh can we take a break for a while? My foot hurts."

They hopped over to the empty chess table at the voideck which bore the lingering smell of cigarettes and old beer. It reminded her of Pa back home. Suddenly the bruises on her back felt more real than ever. For a second she closed her eyes and wished the pain away.

"The chair is dirty..."

"Sit on me lah."

She sat a bit awkwardly on his lap and placed her hands uncomfortably on her now sloping knees.

"Errr. It's very hard to talk like that."

"Too bad."

He put his arms around her waist to hug her, and placed his head snugly against her back. She tried her best not to wince as she didn't want to alarm him, but his touch made everything else seem insignificant. It didn't take much effort to fight the pain after all.

"Stop it lah, got people walking by."

"Don't care."

"I can't breathe. You're holding too tight! And don't you need to reach home by 7?!"

He loosened his grip to hold her soft hands, and whispered into her ear, "You want to sit facing me instead is it."

"No," she blushed. "You're damn irritating."

She sent a secret prayer up above, asking for one more minute, for one more time, for ever.

"Stop talking. I don't want to reach so soon."

He continued to hold her with all the care in the World, and she started to heal...