Sunday, April 13, 2008
Writing it off
It's been a while since I actually expressed my own
feelings thoughts here. Ugh, I hate the word feelings, it's vague, shapeless and ambiguous. It's a generalisation, and most of the time, generalisations are correct.
---
Yesterday when you intentionally sat beside me and asked me "How've you been?", and looked me dead straight in my eyes, for two moments I saw the past three years in yours, tainted with uncertainty of the future, guilt from the past and some sad regret of present. I knew this was the boy I loved, this was the boy whom I once shared my life with, this was the boy I gave my everything to. Through wasted years and taken chances, we're now but a protruding hole, a dry downpour. I wasn't sure if there was a protocol to follow to welcome the other half of myself I've been hiding, "Yeah, I'm fine haha. Just feeling a bit unwell that's all." And you knew I was lying. Lying in your face. Lying into your eyes. I miss lying in your arms.
I talked to you, stranger, that day. Stranger - an unfamiliar face, an outsider. Or could it be, just something that's more strange. Or do they mean the same thing. They say "I am your stranger. Jump." I am your stanger, I am more strange than you. You are a stranger, you are more strange than me. So I'm supposed to jump at the opportunity of meeting a stranger person than I? What opportunity? If we become friends, does that make you less strange than you already are? Or less strange than I already am? Hello stranger. Hello weirdo. Hello freak.
There, "Yeah, I'm ok haha.". We were but to each other, a stranger than ever.
You reek of Love. And I can't stand it.
---
"His kind of sirname is like so ... whatEHverrrrr."
tried to hunch; 1:40 AM
