Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Choosing Life
... Waking up always carried with it at least some small disappointment. Such a great divide between dreams and reality - between dreams and life. How in the world is the real thing supposed to compete with what you can conjure in your imagination? Not that life was bad, but it wasn't a dream.
But it didn't stop there. It wasn't just that the dreams made sleeping more attractive than living. The dreams invaded my waking hours as well. It wasn't enough to be a sleepwalker; I was also a daydreamer. I was a citizen, if not a captive, of my imagination. The places I could go, the things I could do, the person I could become were far more compelling than the life I was living. Yet even when I was playing it safe, there was an adventurer screaming to be set free.
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... Most of us think of a moment as something that's stationary, stagnant, and unchanging. We want to capture the moment and stand in the moment. If there's a moment you want to preserve or remember, you take a snapshot.
The genius of Monet is that he saw the moment for what it really was. It was as if he actually read the dictionary and realized the essence of the words moment and motion are the same.
... Our ability to see the world as it really is has been corrupted by the camera. With a turn of a lens or a push of a button we are able to take the blur out. We've come to see the world through still frames, when in reality life is in constant motion.
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Currently reading Chasing Daylight by Erwin Raphael McManus. It's a great read. Gives greater insight on why God decided to create something so mysterious and unfathomable called Time. Well, time's wasting away. And the reason why I'm blogging is by sheer choice of a sheer moment. And by making this choice, moments are in motion. Moments are being lost, like rose petals fallen to the ground once there's no more life in them. I don't realise what potential I bear in each moment I encounter, in each moment I miss. What then, am I still doing here? I've got to act, not react.
And I recall what Joel Barish said.
And it's not a very happy night. After banging on the piano for an hour or so, trying to rid of emotions, only realising that I've accumulated more. I love playing the piano without a bloody score in front of me, without notes to follow, without rules to abide by. I finally taste Freedom in what I would otherwise, loathe doing. Happy, yet as I stubbornly hold on to snapshots of the past, I'm just creating more friction in my present. The present, is afterall, the intersection between the past and the future. I am stubborn. Give it up Denise.
tried to hunch; 12:19 AM
