DENISE CHEONG - GOD'S CHILD :)

Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Paradigm of Immaturity

Dearest Samuel*,

Have you ever experienced jealousy before? Jealousy that is so overpowering that it breaks your chair and shatters your window? Jealousy that unleashes itself through Love. Spot the irony? It's a glitch in my system. It spreads like a cancer. I can feel it in my blood, I can feel it weaving through my heart, intertwining itself with my veins. I can feel it past the tips of my fingers, raging in my mind, driving me to madness. It cuts you. Damn, it cuts you. Samuel it hurts. You don't see it through these broken lenses, do you? I'm sorry for being absolutely selfish and foolishly sarcastic, but thanks, thanks for merely using me as a freaking toy after all these years. Now I can go enroll myself in Toy Story3. And yes, FYI, you have already objectified me. I don't need a freaking Mcflurry to prove it.

So what am I expecting from you? What expectations have I already set in the past that you've failed to meet? Perhaps the fault lies within me, because I was expecting more than this. I can't blame you even if you did subscribe to means of moral obligation. So again, what am I expecting from all of this? An apology? A mere apology and a most humble 'thank you'? I feel gravely unsettled. Soon, you will desire like how a twice poisoned dog desired for the third piece of meat.

After all, isn't Jealousy just fear of abandonment? Isn't Jealousy more self-love than Love? Jealousy and Love are in fact most incompatible! Jealousy is merely an emotion, whilst Love is more than just an emotion, more than just a feeling. Shit, when you pair them up, all you get is torment and turmoil. I'm so useless I wish I could become a bag of blood and donate myself to the Blood Bank to save lives.

Jealousy is a tiger that tears not only its prey, but also its raging heart. I'm sorry, Samuel.

Love,
Denise Cheong.

*names have been changed to protect identities.

tried to hunch; 11:55 PM

Monday, May 28, 2007
Loss and Hope

No doubt it's been a terribly heart-wrenching weekend. But throughout the whole process, something called Love brings people together, without word, without prompt. Something called Love has been present, it's omnipotent presence, is rather comforting. Love has been so evident lately, leaving its fingerprints all over the place, all over people, all over her Loved ones.

I believe this is God at work. :)

I've been missing out on the latest happenings. And I badly want my literature essay back. I foresee an A+.

Upcoming happenings are well, upcoming. I am frankly not prepared.

Time is not meant for us to tamper with, so no matter how badly I yearn for a Time Machine, it would never come to satisfy.

Speaking of which, (here I run off to other places) OK NEVERMIND, I forgot what I wanted to say. Think I'll spend my day staying at home reading books and such. Such is the mundane lifestyle of Denise Cheong. My eyes just lingered over my Badminton racket. As much as I am craving for some smashes, backstrokes, and the joy of tipping the shuttlecock just over the net with such glory, precision and skill; seeing your opponent standing cemented to the ground overwhelmed in shame and sad realisation that he is, obviously, nothing compared to Denise Cheong - the Mighty Goddess of Badminton. I like to call myself, an unsung warrior in the Singapore Badminton arena, highly and painfully unrecognised. Such is the sad life of Denise Cheong.

BUT THEN AGAIN, LIFE IS GOOD. AND GOD IS GOOD. SO here I go, toodles!

tried to hunch; 2:56 PM

Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Savy?

I'M IN LOVE WITH A PIRATE.

tried to hunch; 10:55 PM

Monday, May 21, 2007
-

It has been a very happening morning. (: I woke up at 6.30am (LATE!) with the pretext of not going to school today, did the usual routine, hopped into Daddy's car, dropped off at Still Road, stood there for 6 seconds till his car drove out of sight, walked about 200m to the 12 bus stop, grabbed a Char Siew Pau from the petrol station, took the bus, met Marcus (HAHA) and slept all the way from Katong to Pasir Ris Interchange. Got down, waited for 12 again, took the bus, slept for another 45 minutes. Alighted at Katong, walked to Parkway.

Ok, this is totally loser. My intention was to get some sleep in the morning before going to the MP Library at 10am to study. Studying was ULTRA effective in the Library. I love it there. The atmosphere and everything, so peaceful, my thoughts were running everywhere! Got a bit emo thinking about Spiderman and how painful his life is. His Gift or Curse. Love. Sacrifice. Love. I'm gonna do it again this Wednesday. Please don't tell my Pa. LIBRARY IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND.

And I finally got rid of that gigantic box by the doorway. I didn't exactly hide it in the toilet bowl, but I stuffed it into my closet. Behind all my mom's Cheongsams and coats and dresses and what not. HAHAHA. I hope she doesn't discover the hidden treasure. Maybe by the time she sees it, by some Polar Bear intervention, she'll land up in Narnia. Screwed up wardrobe.

Ok so I've been thinking about Spiderman. Ok, I'm quite loser. But oh my, the life of Spiderman, is not like any other superhero. It wasn't all about his Glory, or solely about Justice. It was Love. It was about Sacrifice. It was about Loss. The immense pain he has to go through, because no matter how hard he tries, the ones he love will always the ones who pay. The unending battle raging within, where he, himself, is the villian he can't knock down.

Apparently I have free publicity on Joy's blog. Haha. I must say that her blog is very inspiring sometimes. Complexity woven into every word and punctuation. Motivates me to improve my Engrish.

Here's a little something to tickle you. (: I love this guy.

today was my first driving lesson. although i am acclaimed as a daytona god of Senna proportions, it was a terrible, soul breaking experience. i never reached the dizzying heights of my daytona days, and in fact, stalled an appalling(and embarassing) number of times in the circuit. this would be considered good if i were a female, who have a well documented history of being absolutely crap at driving, but since i am in possession of 2 testicles, i couldnt blame my inferior chromosomes, and was forced to sit in shame. my nerves were hardly helped by the foolish instructor, who through his vivid hokkien commentary, was telling me in no uncertain terms that i was "sibei jialart".
after about the fourth stall, i knew i was in trouble, although probably not as much trouble as the instructor. a storm was building up in my intestines, and i could feel the burgeoning gases threatening to break my spinchter's determined resistance. when i nearly mowed down a motorcycle that had the temerity to drive infront of my sacred and holy vehicle, the instructor shrieked for the umpteenth time, and brought upon himself a torrent of methane.
the sound was probably amplified by the tight confines of the car, but in my mind it was an enormous and Old Trafford style blast, almost brutal in its delivery. the silence after the storm was most disconcerting. i believe i had stunned the poor man into silence, at least for the nxt couple of minutes. possibly he was too busy breathing through his mouth to say anything, which was a wise decision anyway. one look at his mouth gaping like a damn goldfish made me even more nervous, and the farts just kept coming on like tidal waves slamming into a weak and weathered breakwater. i was suprised the instructor didnt unleash his own wave of expletives, choosing instead to allow himself to be silently assaulted by a fascinating orgy of stenches.

tried to hunch; 8:47 PM

Sunday, May 20, 2007
There's no "i" in team, but damn there's "i" in win. (:

So there's some motivation for you poor people our there. Ha.

Not as if life is any greater on this end of the line, but still, I must say I am indeed pretty blessed. Been ULTRA MEGASIZED busy this week. Trying to juggle school, studying, church, worship practices, CANOEING, and other retarded activities with my retarded friends. Its been challenging. I'm surprised I'm still alive. There's an obscenely big box of stupid things in my room blocking the doorway which has been festering ever since I moved in, and my mom is sick of seeing it. I better hide it in the toilet bowl.

I did something nice for Daddy this week. He has been a happy old man since. (:

I am dead tired. And I don't know if I can wake up in time tomorrow for COP practice. It's kind of cool to be playing for kids, using music in aid to create their little link with God during Worship.

I haven't started mugging yet. H1s are next week. HISTORY HISTORY HISTORY. Must jam Origins, KW and CMC in 6 days. YES I CAN DO IT! Red Bull seems like an answer. Something to keep me awake and going in the day. I tell you, the advertising industry is so powerful these days. "Increases your metabolic rate and increases your sports performance by 20%. Last time form Thailand, now the new improved formula is from Austria. The new formula contains Sucrose and Glucose, where in old one only contains Sucrose, which burns slower and stays in your body longer and makes you feel sleepy." I totally bought into it, and still am. Tomorrow is Red Bull day, yes. It's the only way of surviving through the day, taking into DEAD SERIOUS consideration that I, am, lacking, a, lot, of, sleep. I am quite sad.

REMEMBER TO CATCH SPIDERMAN 2 TOMORROW, SUNDAY 20 MAY 2007, ON CHANNEL 5 AT 7PM.

tried to hunch; 12:19 AM

Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Badminton rackets are male.

Irrelevance is good. Enables the elevation of unpredictability and dynamism in our mundane well-linked lifestyles. Life is sometimes too dreadfully straightforward. More often that not, we tend to play by all the rules, merely puppets on a kid's show. The burgeoning of such a society will eventually lead to our decadence. We should let our hair down, paint the town red, just for a day in History. Recklessness would be our pride. But what, then, would we exist to prove?

Yet another string of incoherent words. GEEBAABOOM! Sound of explosion. (:

tried to hunch; 12:02 AM

Monday, May 07, 2007
I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met.

Blogger is presently a bit screwed up. But I shall attempt to blog anyway. I had many interesting conversations lately. Let's go through a certain example, with a partisan player in soccer politics. ;)

---

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
i hope he moves to arsenal

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
haha

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
thats a dream

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
Kaka: I am happy for that. But I want to be seen as a good player. I don't want to be labeled "cutie"!

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
lol

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
wad u doing now?

Denise (: Cheong says:
HAHAHAH

Denise (: Cheong says:
YOU HOPE HE MOVES TO ARSENAL

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
i hope

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
god convicts him

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
haha

[I LL U S I 0 N] "I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze" says:
his wife chio sia

Denise (: Cheong says:
HAHAHA

Denise (: Cheong says:
YOU HOPE GOD CONVICTS HIM

Denise (: Cheong says:
HAHAHAHAH

Denise (: Cheong says:
TO JOIN ARSENAL

Denise (: Cheong says:
HAHAHAHA

---

Ok, so its not really funny. BUT I THINK IT WAS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. And YES, Kaka's wife is SO PRETTY. SO PRETTY. Her name is like Caroline Celico or something, regrettably not Denise Cheong.

Love is in the air. Everyone seems to have caught the bug. Ian is elated beyond his poetic limitations, Jabez is out of his pie-like mind, Isaac is secretly in love. Tsktsktsktsktsk. :)

Today I was introduced to a very thought-provoking issue: Why do mosquitoes have wings?
Why do they have legs if they can fly? Why they cannot walk but must fly? That led me to think of Birds. They have wings, they have legs. But they still walk? WHY? So i started to imagine a leg-less bird. And it FRIGHTENED me. So it led me to think, ok, so maybe they need legs to rest, because they can't be perpetually flying. Then, why don't WE have wings? But then again, we're not perpetually walking. We have BUTTS to sit on when we are feeling damn useless and tired because our legs cannot make it. Then, why don't birds and mosquitoes have butts to sit on too? Can you imagine a mosquito SITTING DOWN? I can't even start to fabricate the idea of a BIRD sitting down. It's obscenely QUEER.

And EMO is my NAME-O.

‘And that’s what I think love is,’ Chris said quietly. ‘When your hindsight’s twenty-twenty and you still wouldn’t change a thing.’

:)

tried to hunch; 12:43 AM

Saturday, May 05, 2007
Signal Fire

The perfect words never crossed my mind
'cause there was nothing in there but you
I felt every ounce of me screaming out
But the sound was trapped deep in me
All I wanted just span right past me
While I was rooted fast to the earth
I could be stuck here for a thousand years
Without your arms to drag me out

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever

In the confusion and the aftermath
You are my signal fire
The only resolution and the only joy
Is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

There you are standing right in front of me
There you are standing right in front of me
All this here falls away to leave me naked
Hold me close cause I need you to guide me to safety

No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever
No I wont wait forever

tried to hunch; 10:52 PM